Apparently celebrities don't have enough money for cabs

So apparently the price of taxi cabs has gone up astronomically over the last few years. The fare is so high, that not even some of the top celebrities can afford to get into one after a night out on the town. It also has become apparent that celebrities also have no sober friends, family or acquaintances. Sometimes people forget that these famous people are not real people, so I figured I would remind you.

Seriously though, after a night partying it up in the biggest, best, most exclusive club in downtown L.A. or New York, celebrities continue to get into vehicles without being able to see less that four of whatever they are looking at.

It's okay though, as long as they spend 37 minutes in jail, complete some bogus community service and attend a class about alcohol that they will never step foot in, everything is better.

Not even Jack Bauer is immune to this epidemic spreading from star to star. A second DUI landed Keifer in jail, just in time for his birthday, Christmas and the New Year. Happy holidays.

If I see Hayden Paniettiere land in jail next, I'm quitting watching television forever.

(Well, that might be a harsh reaction. I really won't be happy though)

Why Dodgeball Should Be a National Sport

As I look back on one of the greatest sports movies ever made, cleverly named Dodgeball, I find myself wondering why there isn't any coverage on television of this fantastic sport. Then, as I rack my brain, I remember. It's because the sport doesn't exist outside of playgrounds and day camps. Grown men and women do not run around with little red rubber balls pelting each other into submission.

And why not?

I don't know, but c'mon. How many people honestly would not watch a dodgeball match on ESPN while flipping channels at night. Or tune in to see the annual U.S. vs Mexico game, which of course the Americans have won since the beginning of the glorious sport.

Dodgeball builds character. If you can get back up and in the game after being on the receiving end of polyurethane meeting your face, then you can get up after anything.

Need to blow off some steam? Join a pick up dodgeball game. You can throw something as hard as you want and someone without getting in any kind of trouble for it, and even get congratulated when it hits them.

Not to mention, I'm sure dodgeball is the sport to play to impress the ladies. Forget about football or baseball. Real men play dodgeball.

Who's with me? I'll start taking donations to start this idea up, just send them to the address in my profile and you are all set. All donations are nonrefundable, of course.

Rudy G is An Avid Reader of this Blog

In case you haven't heard, Rudy Giuliani read my blog yesterday and said he would end illegal immigration in as little as three to four years if elected President. He undoubtedly got his idea for a very large fence from me, although his technology is a lot better and he has a lot more troops guarding the border. Maybe he'll remember me when he has to elect a VP...

Governor Spitzer Might Be Mexican

Just throwing that out there. People agree with his new proposal to give illegal immigrants driver's licenses as much as they want a second season of the television show Cavemen. Having wasted a half hour of my life watching that show, that's pretty bad.

There is only one reasonable explanation for why he would push for this. He is convinced that it would decrease the amount of illegals we have now due to an increase in car accidents. You know many illegal immigrants can't read. They'll never know when to stop or how fast to go.

There are better solutions to the illegal immigrant problem. Try some of these:

- Big wall. Along the whole bottom of the U.S. I'm thinking a healthy 25 feet. One entrance somewhere around Corpus Christy or El Paso, Texas.

- Line the border with those life size celebrity cut outs. Slow them down a little bit. Those things look real. Maybe some Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, Eva Mendez and Rosaline Sanchez action for the males and Antonio Banderes, Enrique Inglesias and George Clooney for the females. Why George Clooney? Easy. Who can resist George Clooney?

- Open Taco Bells along the base of Texas, Arizona and California. Another distraction method.

I will be running for President in the year 2040. Keep this in mind.

And if this was offensive to anyone, uh, I got nothing for ya.

October = Horror Movies

Who doesn't love a little crazed psycho chasing you with a knife while wearing a mask? Or a creepy ghost crawling down a flight of stairs, bones cracking each movement with a little boy somewhere close by meowing like a cat? How about human torture, limbs being ripped off bodies and seeing the insides of a person ending up on the floor?

Well, actually, a lot of people don't like that kind of stuff.

But there are plenty of people who are the minority, including myself. Only a small percentage of them do not require some sort of mental therapy, but they count as horror fans too. Here are some of the most recent horror films I have watched, good and bad.

30 Days of Night - Possibly the best vampire film since 1987's Lost Boys (featuring a not-so-ass kicking Keifer Sutherland.) Blood and suspense was a plenty, and without the token hot teenage girl that screams for 75% of the movie. After a mundane start to the movie, business picked up and didn't slow until the credits rolled. Vampires overtaking a mostly deserted city in Alaska. Who would have thought it to be good? The graphic novel is also worth a read if you're into that sort of thing.

The Hitcher (2007) - Sophia Bush and some guy star. (Zachary Knighten) Oh and the killer. (Sean Bean) That's all you really need to know. Really, if you're a guy you'll just enjoy watching Sophia run around screaming and scared, but then try the famous take on the baddie alone approach. If you're not a guy, well then I got nothing for you. It's not a bad movie, but there are better options.

Grudge 2 - I enjoyed Grudge. I had a hard time understanding why there needed to be a second one though. And after watching the second installment, I have an even harder time thinking that there could possibly be more on the way. There were some decent scares, but there are also plenty of times that you were supposed to be scared, but weren't so you have nothing to do for the several seconds that you're supposed to be composing yourself, so you laugh hysterically instead.

Hills Have Eyes 2 - As a fan of movies like the Saw franchise, Hostel and the first Hills (2006, not 1977) I enjoy a bit of blood, gore and general twistedness in movies. This movie pushed that to my limit. It actually made me gag. In the opening minutes nonetheless. If you have a strong stomach, you'll be ok with it. It wasn't overly scary, but was deeply disturbing. Of course it had the token attractive, unintelligent female lead role, who had to shed clothing to fight the deformed miners, but that happens all the time. If you're good looking, female, are carrying an assault rifle and have to fight some deranged, deformed men who want to kill you, first things first, take off the top layer of clothing. Common knowledge.

Well, that's all I have time for in this first movie review segment. There will be lots of these, since that is what I do with myself in any spare time that I come across. Until next time...

Welcome

Welcome to the blog that will address only life's most important topics, as the clever catchphrase at the top states. I am being modest when I say that this blog will change your life. For serious.

This blog will touch on any and every topic that is important in life, with the most prominent being sports, television, movies, video games, food, technology and the occasional political rant. There is not much else in life.

Feel free to comment on anything you read here. You don't have to register for anything, and if for some reason it says you do, let me know. Please include your name and possibly email address to any comment that you leave. This is only for the reason of me sending hate mail to anything that I don't like or don't agree with. Enjoy.